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Friday, January 7, 2011

The Juice...according to Jackie - 2011 People's Choice Awards Edition

Oh, Damn.

Aly and AJ!?!
AKA Amanda and Alyson Michalka
Does anyone else remember Aly and AJ's music? The girl duo was featured heavily in the WNBA season of 2006...just sayin'.
Anywho, these girls have taken their career paths in the opposite direction - acting - and they both star in the hit CW series "Hellcats." I use hit here with all the sarcasm my tongue can spew.
You know, Amanda (top) looks alright...although I'm not so sure a sewn in shrug is the "it" factor I'm looking for on the red carpet. Now, Alyson, on the other hand, reminds me of when Michelle Pfeiffer became Catwoman *the best Catwoman, in my opinion* and she starting sewing leather, and ripping, and stitching, and more ripping....I feel like this happened here. That is, only if Alyson were originally in a nun's habit and she decided to turn nighttime barmaid instead. And....scene.


Anisha "Please Hire a Stylist" Nagarajan
The Juice hasn't had a hire a stylist plea in awhile. Here, we have an extreme case of "lesser known actress gets to walk the blue carpet for the first time." Why not splurge a little? There are people for this, honey! Friends, even! How does she not have a friend in Hollywood that has some sense of style and won't tell her "you look greaaat" with every outfit tried on??? If I were Anisha's friend, I'd grab this frock and say "this really needs to be smoothed out with an iron" and then accidentally burn the shit out of it so we could go last minute shopping for something, anything better than this.


Diedrich "Molestache" Bader
Free Mustache Rides!!! This mug right here, even with that shit-eating grin, has won him a role on Criminal Minds next season. No question.


Cat "So you Think you Can Dress?" Deeley
This dress isn't completely horrible, it's just a couple inches short of being great. Why the awkward ankle length? I don't get it. It makes it so....witchy. Witchy Woman....


Ashley "Oompa" Tisdale
Girlfriend is ORANGE. This is such a bad spray tan that Ash has that "tan mustache" thing going on - dark in all the wrong areas of the face. I'm not even looking at her dress because she basically just blends into this thing.


Corey "Try a TAD Harder Next Time" Monteith
Great...
Hot...
Sexy...
Loving it...
NO NO NO NO!!!!

Scrolldown. Nightmare.


Pauley "No H8" Perrette
Love what she stands for. But I can still despise what she's wearing. Ghosts wearing white sheets are so cliche...now, a sheet cut at vagina-length is a little less the norm. Touche.


Raven "Just Not Raven" Symone
Black Swan gone soooooooooo wrong. Honey, who put you in this Big Bird dyed black monstrosity? You look healthy, like you've lost a couple of those kiddie pounds...why aren't you showing it off?? Such a shame.
On a positive note, your cleavage is delicious though.


Lisa "Broke-ade" Fedelstein
God I hate a good brocade couch fabric dress complete with summer sandal in January.


Miranda "White Tights or White Legs?" Cosgrove
I think it's funny when we can watch the progression of child actors become more and more bored with red \ blue carpet appearances...Miranda looks absolutely thrilled. She put in that extra effort into her outfit, hair and makeup, as well.


UnJuiciest Couple of the Night: Taye Diggs and Kate Walsh
I may be a little harsh here, because these two are very beautiful people. But I feel like both just totally mailed it in. They look...wrinkled. And pretty sure Forever 21 is making a knockoff of that dress already so let's try for something a little more current for the Golden Globes, shall we Kate? That goes for you too, Taye. Black tux, please. Thanks. xoxo

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