Hot Damn!
Amber "SuperCrush" Heard
It's no secret. I am 100% obsessed with Amber Heard. It probably has a little something to do with the fact that she looks like Scarlett Johannson's twinsie...but I think it's mostly because they both consistently rock the red carpet oozing with confidence. And there's nothing sexier than confidence, people.
Girlfriend is rocking this cutout Zac Posen number with total flair.
Ashlee "Where You Been?" Simpson
Since Jessica's been eating up (no pun intended) all the mag time with her pregnancy and weight issues, we haven't seen or heard much from Ms. Ashlee lately. So just in case you're wondering, she's been banging some dude that's on the HBO show Boardwalk Empire...I believe the guy who plays Lucky Luciano. I could google for further investigation here, but I'm gonna guess none of you care that much.
Anywho, I've always loved Ashlee's style. Certain people are just born with a rock and roll edge, and she's one of them. And no doubt, this dress is f-ing fantastic in my opinion. Some may argue and call it a little matronly, but I think she's pulling it off in a "vintage Chanel\Kirsten Dunst when she was still relevant-kind of way."
The Battle of the Cougars: Glenn Close vs. Jessica Lange
Hello!!!!! Glenn Close is just WORKING that Zac Posen dress. Sophisticated, classy, elegant, sexy are all words that come to mind.
Then we have Jessica Lange turning up the heat in her David Meister number.
Dirtier words come to mind with Ms. Lange...so I'm going to have to take Jessica in this Battle of the Cougar, but only by a sequin.
Jack "So THAT'S What Your Face Really Looks Like" Huston
Speaking of Boardwalk Empire, Jack Huston plays a disfigured hitman, and by disfigured I mean a major Phantom of the Opera thing going on. So needless to say, I had to Hot Damn Juice him, he's got a sexy, navy three-piece hipster thing going on in real life. And this guy below....not so much.
Jayma "THE JUICIEST" Mays
FAB.U.LOSITY.
I died over this dress, came back to life and had to wipe the drool still hanging from my chin. BY FAR my favorite look of the night, Jayma is ridiculously stunning in this Reem Acra work of art.
The strong shoulders give her so much shape while accentuating her tiny waist. And the hint of lace at the back, which could have been open skin, is an even better pair with the delicate beading of the gown. My God, this woman is breathtaking.
Do they make this in white? Because I kinda want to get married in it one day.
The Juiciest Couple of the Night: George Clooney and Stacy Keibler
What more can be said about George Clooney that hasn't already been said? The man is God's gift to women...and the suit. So let's move on to his new flavor of the month, Stacy "I used to be a WWE Wrestler" Keibler. I'm impressed. She's obviously hired a stylist, or George is really great at playing Pretty Woman with his chicks, buying Valentino for them. Either way, she looks fabulous. And WAY less trashy than the ex, Elisabetta. I took one look at that hideous barbed wire tattoo she has and gave them two years tops.
(see below)
Michelle "Hiiiii Cuuuuutie" Williams
Michelle Williams has that 60s mod, delicate pixie pretty thing down so tight that I almost have nothing else to say for her other than WOW. So gorgeous. I typically loathe asymetrical bottoms to dresses, but I'm letting it slide this time because I just want to pinch her cheeks and eat her up. I think that's sound reasoning, don't you?
Sofia "Splash of Color" Vergara
Where black dominated the night, Sofia wasn't too shy to sport a beautiful fuschia on this red carpet. Let's be serious, this woman can do no wrong with that body. She could put a potato sack on and still make men weak in the knees. In my next life, I will acquire that superpower somehow.
Tilda "Yes, You're Reading this Right, She is HOT DAMN" Swinton
Last but certainly not least....my favorite androgynous alien whom I LIVE to see on the red carpets almost as much as Lady Gaga. Loyal Juice readers will know that this woman has literally topped 99% of my"Oh, Damn." blogs, ranging in categories from Un-Juiciest trend to Fugliest to Try Harder Next Time.
But ladies and gentlemen, you're reading this right and I may be suffering from jet lag \ lack of sleep \ insomnia \ or a brain aneurysm, but I'm putting Tilda Swinton into the HOT category!
I mean, look at her. First of all, she's wearing MAKEUP. She has skin color like that of a normal pale person, not that of Powder. And let's not bypass the red lip, either. To ramble further, this Lanvin dress is, well, kind of hot! Yes, she has zero boobs to fill it out, but the deep plunge of the dress gives her some shape and a little sex appeal. Somebody throw some water on my face because I may be hallucinating, but Ms. Tilda Swinton, baby claps to you. Baby claps.
You have made my year.
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