Aziz Ansari killed it as host for me. I'm not sure if the whole "let's drop as many F*bombs as possible tonight to really f*** with the FCC" mantra that MTV had made just about everyone more hilarious than normal, but I was buying it. He literally had me in tears with his Taavon, swagga coach extraordinaire, character. Dying.
Favorite dress of the night. And let's see here...Up in the Air. Twilight Saga. New Michael Cera movie. Am I missing any? This chick is allll over the place! And when she couldn't get any cuter, she accepted her award by saying she's "way too much of a nerd to be there." It's the Year of the Nerd, hun. Own it.
Cameron "Nice Gams" Diaz
PLEASE can I look like Cam when I grow up?!? She does "young" so effortlessly and tastefully. She never fails when she shows up to Nickelodeon or MTV Awards shows...she dresses fresh and fun yet still looks age-appropriate.
Sidebar: Tom Cruise got 803,404 times cooler for his Les Grossman portrayal. Dude can dance.
K.Stew
Betty "Is The Bomb" White
Is there anyone cooler right now?
When I'm Betty's age, I'm totally going to crack jokes about my age all the time, too. Like when my daughter's dog jumps up on me I'll quip with, "Wow, my boobs haven't seen this much action since 2010..."
Elizabeth "Pretty Sure She's In That Movie Called Twilight, or Something..." Reaser
I know. Please pick your jaws up from the ground loyal Juice readers. I am DIGGING the jumpsuit. There. I said it. But let's be specific here...THIS PARTICULAR JUMPSUIT ONLY (see Lindsay Lohan).
It fits. It's flattering and slimming. It's sexy, but not slutty. It's got cool blazer lapels. It dips low in the back for more sex-factor. But the best yet: no cameltoe nor fupa-inducing material!!! Yes, I'm crazy about this look. Sue me.
T.I. (it's hard to do a quote in between two letters, sorry)
I enjoyed the tangerine-spring vibe here. I did. It made my mouth water. I just want to throw a blanket on the grass and have a picnic with him in this get-up.
Scar-Jo
So honestly, I think Scarlett played it a bit safe for the MTV Movie Awards. You know, this is where you get a little more slutty than usual or a little more edgy...or slutty AND edgy if you have huge balls...Either way, she did look absolutely beautiful as she is a breathtaking creature, you just know me and I wanted a little more boob.
That being said, her interesting factor jumped huge levels when she, at first, came out on stage to insult Sandra Bullock, but then, wait for it...came out on stage to make out with Sandra Bullock. Awesome.
p.s. I love Sandra's dress too, particularly that deep back. RAWR. Jesse who???
Russell "Don't Hate Me Because I Love It" Brand
The Battle of the Hills:
Listen, everyone loves some friendly competition and let's be serious, none of these bitches really like each other anyway. It's ALL about competition between them. So let's get on with it.
Audrina Patridge
I would wear this outfit. But I don't love it on her. It just looks a little big and "potato sack-y" (see footnote) due to the fact that she's probably topping off at a whopping 91 lbs. but....whatevs. Shoes are fierce, though.
*The Book of Juice: potato sack-y. adjective. a dress looking like, or smelling like, a potato sack hanging loosely on one's body. see sacktastic.
Whitney Port
Whitney takes the prize here for me. I loooove yellow and this "bandage" thing she has going on here is totally Rock&Roll. Rhinestone booties are to-die-for and they don't distract from the look, either. Now, if she could touch up those roots, we might have a total winner winner chicken dinner here.
Jaden "Does Hollywood Have Any New Ideas Anymore?" Smith
T.I., I know you're pointing at that jacket and thinking, "damn, that's a fly jacket"...right?? Because I am thinking that. I want that jacket. I would rock the shit out of that thing.
Paris "Where Have You Been Hiding?" Hilton
It's good to see Paris break free from whatever nonsense it is that she's been doing lately. And as much as I want the celebs to take risks at the MTV Movie Awards, I'm really glad Paris didn't. Otherwise I'd be fugging her ass up on the "Oh, No You Didn't." When she actually dresses like a relatively normal person, she can be soooo pretty. I think she looks stunning here.
Unfortunately, I know in my heart that tomorrow she'll go right back to disappointing me with an all hot pink matching velour sweatsuit with rhinestone encrusted flamingos all over...or something like that.
Christopher Mintz Plasss....eh, screw it. It's McLovin.
It's the Year of the Nerd, people. Year of the Nerd. You heard it here first at The Juice. McLovin definitely cleans up nice, brought the goods. Yum.
Kid Cudi
The "Best" of the Jersey Shore Cast
Looking as oompa loompa as ever, even in stature, Snooki took the prize from the rest of the Jersey chicks. In other words, she had the least tacky print on her dress (i.e. not sequined zebra, nor lace pink flower...) And, truthfully, removing the bump-it really makes her look semi-normal....
Moving on...Shit. Have I become so accustomed to Jersey Shore trashliciousness that I actually saw The Situation and thought "Hmm, he looks kinda good." I'm so f***ed. The world is coming to end as we know it.
Juiciest Couple of the Night: Ken Jeong and Ed Helms
Dying. Laughing.
No comments:
Post a Comment