2011 CMA Awards

Oh, Damn.

Laura Bell "Water for Elephants" Bundy

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages! Step right up to see a wondrous sight. Fantasized about and highly regarded by many. It's hidden from the public 99.9% of the time, but we're showcasing it to you tonight...

I give you...Ms. Laura Bell Bundy's CROTCH! 

*and...cue the carnival music*

Faith "Night of the Living Dead" Hill

Faith's hair died a little tonight. Electrocution by way of curling iron.

Erin Andrews...was invited?

 Well. She's definitely wearing exactly what I would have imagined her to wear...down to the nude strappy heels. I was expecting a little more "pageant" with her hair, though, so thanks for throwing me for a little loop, EA. I appreciate it.

Jane Dear Girls

 

Dear Jane Dear Girls,

You sing country music? This seems absurd to me. It appears as though your taste in music is more of the Marilyn Manson-kind. But hey, every music genre needs its outlaws. Anywho, next time you're invited to a red carpet event, please leave the cupcake skirt and fishnets at home. Girl on the right? You're ok. Lose the 13 yr old goth and we'll talk.

Love,

Juice

Kellie "Ooh Girl, What Happened to Your Face?" Pickler

When plastic surgery goes wrong. This doesn't even look like the sweet little redneck that I watched Simon Cowell hit on years ago on American Idol...

I mean, is it weight loss or a really bad face lift? We all know the boobs have been done, but isn't she like 23? God, Hollywood can be a mindf***

UnJuiciest Couple of the Night: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Speaking of when surgery goes wrong...My goodness. Nicole looks like she could be an extra in The Walking Dead with very little time in the makeup chair necessary.

 LeAnn "Bones" Rimes

When your daily battle is fighting the gossip rags about whether or not you're anorexic, you probably shouldn't show up on the red carpet in a dress that's eating your frail body alive with ruffles. Just a thought. 
Sometimes baggy clothes that you think are covering you up, really just showcase the problem. 

*See Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

And The "Try Harder Next Time" Award Goes To: Natasha Bedingfield

 I kind of want to hand her some papers for filing, slap her on the ass and tell her she's doing a great job. Oh, and can I get a coffee? Milk, little sugar. Thanks.

(We're still meeting in the copy machine room in 20, right? Ok, good.)

 Reba "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" McIntire

 Loyal Juice readers know my hatred for all things velvet. So needless to say, this dress is making my skin crawl and nipples hard in a bad way. We got a decent Christmas dress on our hands right now, but Reba...come on.