Oh, Damn.
Nicki "Japanime" Minaj
Nicki honey. We need to talk. This contraption (yes, contraption because it's far from an "outfit" or "clothes") looks like the claw game at the Arcade threw up its prizes onto Tokyo and then flew out to Mars. Is this supposed to be an attractive look against SARS? I guess on the plus side her hair is making me hungry for some cotton candy...
Deena "Rainbow Brizzzzight"
Yikes! Stripes! Fruit Stripe Gum!
Remember that gum, you guys? omg. Deena is exactly that packaging. See below and try to disagree with me.
Kreayshawn "Funland"
Walt Disney would be pissed if he saw this get-up. It's kind of fitting, though, as she kind of looks like a cartoon herself. I really want her next youtube video to be a tutorial on how to curl your bangs like that without burning your forehead. I'd definitely watch and take notes.
Miley "Wallpaper" Cyrus
Woof, Miley. I don't know if you've been eating a lot of cheeseburgers lately or that dress is just the absolute most unflattering dress I've ever seen. Cheetah melting into flowers melting into squiggly lines? Genius. Please, no one tell me this is like straight off the upcoming Gucci fall collection. Because I'd die.
The Jonas Brothers. Wait...No.
One of these things is not like the others...
One of these things just doesn't belong...
Can you tell which thing is not like the others...
By the time I finish my song?
*sesame street rules.
SSS&MMM
Jo-Jo got some junk in her trunk. Literally. She attached the garbage bags from out back onto her dress for a little oomph. Kind of dying to know if they flatten when she sits on them.
Kate Cruise
Do we think Katie let Suri dress her for this occasion?
"Ok honey, which shoes should Mommy wear?"
"Those!"
"My construction booties?"
"Uh-huh."
"Shit."
Manly Gaga
All I could think of during this performance was, my god is this an ode to Ralph Macchio in The Outsiders? I was just waiting for a "stay gold, ponyboy" line to be dropped.
Busted
Nice.....vest?
Britney "Don't worry honey, I wouldn't hold it against you" Spears
You know, I'm all for Brit's comeback...I bought the album, I dance to the tunes, I'm happy to see her in a stable relationship and taking care of her babies like a somewhat normal mother, and I'm happy she's brushing her extensions every now and then and laying off the Cheetos. But ever since the infamous shaved head, there's just something awkward about my ex-obsession. She looks like a thirteen year old girl posing here...not someone who's been doing red carpets for 18 years...right? Uncomfortable. I know she's got a jumper on and those can be uncomfortable if they ride a little into your ass, but I'm talking uncomfortable in her skin uncomfortable.
More importantly, I vomited when I saw those shoes.
???
Yeah I have no clue who this chick is. But can we slide those silver tassels up a little bit so they're hanging from her boobies? Because that would be much more entertaining for me.
The Beibs
Wait, I'm sorry. Is that a baby snake for an accessory?
WHAT.A.BADASS.
Un-Juiciest Couple of the Night: Seleiber
This looks like a really cute high school lesbian couple, just "giving chicks a try to see if they like it." Oh and we got the snake here too. So awesome. No joke, though, red skinnies and cheetah shoes are kind of my favorite combo right now, so I can't knock. I literally almost walked out of the apartment with the same outfit on the day after this show....got made fun of, then changed my shoes. And Selena was a scrolldown nightmare for me. What a gorgeous girl, and the lace was working for me at first. Then I scrolled down. And I saw....a cape.
Queen of the Night gurrrlfriend.
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