Kellie Pickler
Who dressed you girl, Beyonce???
I am SO over the mermaid-train, serpent-scale, sasha-fierce gown. I'm beginning to truly despise any dress that elicits this response from me: "how in the hell does she walk\sit\breathe\sashay in that thing?"
And I can't stop looking at the four boobs it's giving lil' Pickler....I mean, we've all heard the rumor that girlfriend went and bought herself some ta-ta's with that American Idol money...but dayum!
John Rich of Big and Rich
LeAnn Rimes
Big fan of the LBD. Not a big fan of anyone who actually wants to make their hips and ass look 5 sizes bigger...REALLY?Emily West
Taking the Country Music Awards too literally : wearing ropes and\or snakes on your gown. Hoping to snag a cowboy, sweetie? 
Jamie: "Isn't it great that I wore white to match? We TOTALLY look like a couple now!"
JLH: "I know. It's so great. Although your white gym shoes? Um, not so great."
Jamie: "Don't forget to mention Ghost Whisperer at least 5 times tonight. It's in the contract."
JLH: "God, I'm sooooo in love."
This does absolutely nothing for me. NOTHING. Miranda is this little hottie dating an even bigger hottie (whooo Blake Shelton!) and she wears this?! A knee-length bubble hem dress??? I mean, 16 year old high school chicks are wearing better dresses than this to Homecoming nowadays. F for effort.
I had to post this picture. It's brilliant in that, upon first glance, I totally thought Keith was cupping an alien's breast.
Paula must have popped a few too many pills and showed up looking a hot mess to the Orange Carpet. This is sooooo Madonna "Lucky Star" minus the tutu and slut appeal.
Sidebar - HUGE pet peeve of mine: when necklaces tangle. It absolutely pains me to look at that disaster of necklace entanglement going on across her neck and torso...seriously, how is she going to get out of that!?!??
Fall Out Fug
Everyone knows I lurve Pete Wentz with a passion. Here's my fairytale story for those who haven't heard it for the 8,000th time: Pete and I run into each other at a Chicago bar, bond over our love of tattoos and strip clubs, fall madly in love and locate back to the Midwest to make beautiful babies. (Ashlee Simpson does not exist in this world).
Anywho, it kills me to say my fairytale hubby looked like the 80s decided to poop all over him, spewing out different fads from all different angles. Ray Bans - check. Powder Blue High Top Nikes - check. Denim Jacket complete with Pee Wee Herman bowtie - check, check. I'd kick my own ass in that get-up.
And don't get me started on the mexi-stache standing next to him...
Jesse "X" McCartney
What are those Malcolm X glasses doing on that pretty little face??? Is Jesse trying to look like he's 45 years old? I just don't understand the whole "Yo, I'm keeping my shades ON, bro." I know it's daytime, but the sun is 100% NOT shining down on these young starlets...we can't have Hollywood sweating, people!!! So why the sunglasses? WHY? Someone please tell me WHY!
(sorry for shouting)
Tori "WallFlower" Spelling
In an effort to spite the evil Candy Spelling just one more time, Tori ripped the fabric off her mother's 80 year old couch and stitched herself a dress... Take that Mom! That's right, I'm wearing your couch! Have fun sitting on it now! Muwahahahaa!
Demi "Metallic-a" Lovato
I'm having weird HyperColor flashbacks looking at this blah metallic mini. HyperColor: hot or cold weather (or if you just breathed heavily on it) changed the color of the shirt! It was pure brilliance. Someone needs to bring those back asap. Anyway, this dress is definitely silver in the cold, gold in the heat baby.
p.s. sweet stripper platforms. Aren't you like, 17 yrs old?
Megan "Where's The Heat?" Fox
I'm so disappointed with my girl-crush. Megan, what's wrong? Are you bored? You look bored. And your outfit is a total snoozefest. I know it's the Kids Choice Awards - you don't need to sexify the Orange Carpet...but I mean, come on. Just a little? Please?
Andrea "um, who?" Lewis
I don't have a clue as to who this chick is...but what in Holy Hell is she wearing on her legs? Hot Pink SHINY leggings, no less. And then she makes me even angrier by pairing it with her mom's wrap sweater and NOT COVERING HER CROTCH. I wouldn't even suggest this is a "look." It is a MESS by all definitions of the word.
HOT Damn!
Hottest Couple of the Night: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens
What's that Zac? Oh, you're pointing at me? Well, yes, I love you too. Duh! I love you so much that I'm willing to overlook those wretched boots your lady friend has on...because otherwise you two look sort of matchy in that non-matchy way that makes me melt. And I know you guys talked about your outfits. Probably over lunch. That's totally how you two roll. And guess what? I'm cool with it.
The Jo Bros.
Hellooooo Jonas Brothers! Looking absolutley gay-lish, as usual! I adore you three!!!
Cam can be 80 yrs old and she'd still show up at the Kids Choice Awards looking effortlessly fresh and adorable. I heart her outfit and covet her jeans. I just want to go get beers with her and giggle over our crushes.
Ashley's spin on the LBD is absolutely adorable. The subtly-colored gems are a great addition to an otherwise simple dress. And huge props for rocking the booties in a great way - it's tough to wear those things without shrinking your legs to Oompa Loompa status - she did it right and looks smokin'! 